Flush it!

So, I realize I've been missing from the blogging world for over a month, but I have a valid excuse: I've been busy, dammit. School started, and I've been on stand-by just in case Kennedy unleashes Hell in her Kindergarten class. Blaine was home for an extra week while making the transition into a new job. We had a birthday...my baby turned five. We started Cub Scouts, too.

Anyway, I come back to the blogging world with the topic of "poop."

I just opened the lid to the toilet to find a turd the size of a Dachshund. Seriously. We have one bathroom in this house. And I had to use it...like, bad. But I couldn't. Because there was an anaconda floating in my commode. I retched. Nearly lost last week's lunch.

I knew this did not come from one of my kids. Something this size would have positively sent them to the emergency room. It was the 12 year old neighbor girl who was playing (and evidently shitting) at my house. What the fuck? Who does that kinda shit (no pun intended)?

Four flushes, it took. Four flushes I had to flush because she had left already. And I'm doing the pee-pee dance, trying not to piss myself while gagging.

To think...I really liked that kid. Now, she is on the top of my shit list. Pun intended, that time.